How To Have A Better Orgasm
Ever wondered why your solo play sometimes fizzles when it could sizzle? Picture this – you carve out “you time”, get all set up, and…meh. By the end of this post you’ll know exactly how to have a better orgasm without expensive gadgets. Grab your favourite drink, cosy up, and let us dive into pleasure 101.
Fun fact: Did you know there are many different types of orgasms that you can have, whether you’re a man (or a person with a penis) or a woman (or a person with a vulva). I curated a free guide that covers 40 DIFFERENT TYPES OF ORAGSMS - who knew there were so many?!
Understanding Your Pleasure Blueprint
Anatomy 101 with your favourite clinical sexologist (that’s me!).
Most of us never got more than a rushed sex education session in school. A clinical sexologist is trained in anatomy, arousal and inclusive practice so you learn how your body really works. Knowing where nerves cluster – hello clitoris, vulva, G‑spot and perineum – is the foundation for a better orgasm. When you understand your blueprint, you stop chasing myths and start aiming for real pleasure.
Pleasure mapping – discover your unique hotspots
Pleasure mapping is a simple exercise where you gently explore different areas with your fingers or a soft toy. Note what feels “nice”, “wow” or “no thanks”. This map is your personal treasure chart – you will know exactly where to focus when you are ready to turn up the heat.
Bonus sexual wellness tip → use a mirror or phone camera on selfie‑mode to really see what is happening!
Mindset Magic For Orgasmic Confidence
Overcoming performance anxiety
Worrying about “getting it right” can shut down your body’s natural response. Research shows orgasm and pleasure release endorphins and oxytocin, which lower cortisol (stress hormone) and help with anxiety. Treat each session as playful practice rather than a test – you cannot fail at feeling good. If your mind races, try a two‑minute breathing break: inhale for four counts, exhale for six.
Cultivating body positivity and self‑love
Your body is built for pleasure. Celebrate every curve and contour. Stand in front of a mirror and whisper three things you love about your skin, your shape or your smile. This small ritual rewires negative self‑talk into encouragement. Sexual wellbeing blossoms when you honour your body’s right to pleasure.
Communication Cheat Sheet
Scripts to ask for what you need to help you have a better orgasm
“Can you try stroking me here?”
“I love it when you…”
“Let us pause – this feels too intense; can we adjust?”
Practise these out loud (even solo) so real conversations feel natural. Clear requests lead to clearer pleasure.
Partner play: “Tell me what lights you up” exercises
Borrowed from relationship coaching courses, this simple exercise builds connection. Sit back‑to‑back and take turns whispering three things you want more of. No judgement, just curiosity.
Techniques & Toys That Can Actually Help You Have A Better Orgasm
Solo Techniques vs Partnered Techniques
Solo: Try the “come‑hither” finger curl, rhythmic tapping, or gentle squeezing around the clitoral hood. Vary pressure and speed to learn what your body loves.
Partnered: Combine eye contact with slow external stimulation. Guide their hand like a tour guide – “A little left, yes, there.” Use your mapped hotspots to lead the way.
If you want expert feedback on technique, consider a 90-Minute Breakthrough Session to deep-dive into your orgasmic barriers and walk away with a bespoke plan.
Sexual wellness products spotlight
A good water‑based lube reduces friction and heightens sensation. For toys, a small bullet vibrator can be perfect for pinpoint clitoral work, while a curved G‑spot wand opens new internal pleasure avenues. If in doubt, book a Sex Toy Consultation for personalised recommendations tailored to your body and goals.
Integrating Orgasmic Practice Into Daily Life
Micro‑pleasure breaks
You don’t need a full hour – try two minutes of gentle thigh or chest strokes while you sip tea or wait for your coffee to brew. These micro‑moments remind your nervous system that pleasure is normal and accessible.
Quick mindfulness routines
Close your eyes and take five deep breaths, focusing on how your body feels. Notice tension points and breathe into them. This practice lowers anxiety and primes you for more intense sensation when you return to play.
Weekend “Pleasure Plans”
Schedule a 30‑minute block on Saturday morning labelled “Me Time”. Treat it like a gym session – no interruptions. Use your pleasure map, favourite lube and a calming playlist to turn this into a weekly ritual.
Common Questions Answered
Do I need expensive toys to have a better orgasm?
No. Your body is your best toy. Good lube and consistent practice beats fancy gadgets every time.
My partner and I have different libidos. How can we sync up?
Use the communication scripts above and schedule mutual micro‑pleasure breaks. Consider a joint session of relationship coaching to align desires.
Can sex coaching for men really help with my orgasm issues?
Absolutely. Techniques and mindset work apply to all bodies. Men report stronger, longer orgasms after targeted coaching.
Before you go, I want to leave you with three steps to help you have better orgasms.
Map your pleasure blueprint with gentle exploration.
Shift your mindset – see play as practice, not performance.
Communicate your needs with simple scripts and partner exercises.
Ready to level up even more? Explore my sex guides or book a free discovery call to chat about 1:1 support – via video in sex coaching or discreetly through WhatsApp & email. Let’s make every orgasm your best one yet!